bleak!

i remember that the little, yet lovely backyard

in my parents’ home in tehran

was located in a way that

spring was earlier than the most parts of that monster town

and so was the fall.

and…fall, when it was its turn to fall,

it was always accompanied by a cool breeze,

longer shadows,

and redder, yet lingering sunsets, and a different moon,

a lonelier moon

… and this feeling of a sudden fear in me:

the picture of an unknown darkness of early evenings

full of goings and comings of people

in the hustle and bustle of a big town,

surrounding a loneliness, my only possession,

and a feeling of

being not but a stranger.

… the dance of dry leaves with the wind and dust in the air,

the rush of people seeking shelter

from a sudden thunderstorm

…

all these images and weird unknown fears

have repeated every year

in fall,

every year

in me

since my childhood;

…and today

the coolish weather

of this big island

at this time of year:

the chilly breeze

and the autumn-like sunshine

brought me back

to the same,

all the same fears

and feelings

and images.

i’m sure

i have dreamt of many of the events of my life,

once in my childhood,

or even before being born…

… and these images and fears of fall

are now

part of my life!!!

i might be better off

getting

prepared now

for other images

and feelings

in me

to come true…!

but how fearful and strange they are!

                                                            July-23-04. anita

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sorry that's a bit out-dated, but in rooza neveshtanam nemiyad, i mean i'm very busy... and a bit dizzy...why?!? i dunno...