lift me up

i wish/ i could be/ lifted up/ by a force/ up on the air!// i wish/ i would be/ taken away!/ just / away!/ on a boat,/ on a train,/ or even on/ a chariot!/ who cares for/ the speed!?// i wish/ i’d forget/ everything;/
e

v

e

r

y
t h i n g/ or/ i was in / coma/ for/ the rest of my/ damn life!
anita 

abundance in freedom ends up in loneliness.
abundance in love ends up in pain.
.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,
merci for saying happy-birthday to my weblog... i actually don't care for my own birthday let alone my weblog's... but it was a nice coincidence that the same day i decided to post up something here, i noticed that exactly one year has passed since the first update.....ba'deshammm... like i said before i can't go to iran(tehran) this summer, though i really wanted to and had a big reason (actually an occasion) for it!!!!... dige inke... i have promised myself to be more positive these days... but it's damn hard...harder than living, no i mean living is already the hardest thing ever, but living with a positive attitude and hope is impossible... like a torture for me... but i'm doing my best for it!!! let's see where it gets me to!!
anita's rants

who am i ?!

Rata thinks I’m stupid.

Kinda thinks I’m funny, but she doesn’t trust me yet.

Rana thinks I have a cute personality, also different from other stereotyped girls.

Fran thinks I’m a sweet little creature, with a big heart; he thinks I’m pure like kids, yet mature, but too sensitive and with very little self-confidence, yet very honest and funny.

Alice thinks I’m very picky and too meticulous, she also thinks I hurt her on purpose!!?

Mary-eve thinks I’m unapproachable and introverted, but trustworthy.

Furum thinks I’m bossy and arrogant, yet lovely with a heart and senses like kids.

Bruce thinks I have closed all doors to love on purpose, but I’m also smart and mature.

Nile thinks I’m an angel, a great friend, a treasure, also very ambitious and brave.

Azu thinks I’m strong and a hardworking student, she also thinks I’m a very good friend, but not very lucky in terms of having friends.

Atsa thinks I’m very helpful, and also happy!!!!!

Some of my prof.s think I’m a playful girl, some others think I’m very smart and hardworking!!

Some Chinese classmates think I hate the Chinese (well, I guess I do!!!).

and …Some guys at school think I’m hot!!!!!!

I guess there are some people who think I’m a bitch also!!!!!

What do I think of me?

A loner, also the one who doesn’t know what she wants, the one who is lost in her senses and feelings, and is suspended between here and there, right and left, truth and false, up and down, this and that…ainp 
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now check out this, ye dafe emrouz fahmidam in paradox-e bichare parsal dar hamin rooz be donyaye weblog oumad!!! che maskhare!!! ;) aniiiita

if one day you see a big tree grown on the roof of your parents' house and you feel thristy suddenly, and you notice that the whole trunk of the tree is covered in clean water falling, what would you do?
you drink it, right?
if you then want to take the stairs to get down from the roof, but all of a sudden a big cobra hangs down from above the door, ready to bite you, how would you feel?
you panic and step backward, right?
but to where? you are on the roof.
if the snake throws itself toward you and get closer, wanting to attack you, what would you do?
...
i dreamt all of it some nights ago!!!!!!! a nightmare, i know. but what does it mean?!! i still wonder.
ainp

it was raining last night, the entire night.
i cried with rain
you didn't see me
you didn't hear me
i shut my sobbing up in my blue pillow
i had promised not to think of myself any more, i know
but
i couldn't keep the promise
sorry!!!
.....
this messy sticky thing
is called
MY LIFE.

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poor the boy who has believed her
she is not serious, but knows how to flirt
and perhaps how to make artificial dimples on her cheeks
like Arabella for Jude*
i just observe it
i'd like to see how it ends though... or how far she can go.
oh, some poeple!!!....
anita
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* Jude, The Obscure by Thomas Hardy