i’ve kept telling myself i’m strong/ i’ve tried to resist many temptations/ i’ve tried to be reasonable/ kept trying to strengthen my morale/ more and more/ in order to feel lighter

and/ l i g h t e r,/ yet/ strong.

and now…!?
i feel the heaviest
and
the weakest.
have i been doing it beyond the capacity of all my strength?/ where or when was the limitation?/ i dunno.
wish i knew how farther than this i can go though
before i break into
p    i    e    c    e    s.
…

maybe what i found in myself as strength/ was an illusion/ like every single damn thing

in this/ v eeeeee rrrrrrr y/ boring/ world.                            
 

OQOQOQOQOQOQOQO

sorry that I’m so negative and pessimistic, i know i had promised myself.

yes, i still keep promising myself, after each time that i let my tears wash my blue pillow.

it’s damn hard to be hopeful, though.

i dunno what a geek on earth invented this word: hope!? aniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiita